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FWA 2025 Postmortem (better late than never)
this convention has most definitely gotten too big for its breeches. and the sad part is…i don’t think they were honestly expecting that.
last year was definitely crowded. and with just about everything crammed into the Marriott, it felt really congested. this year, though, they had a little bit more space but it somehow still felt worse. not being able to use the central Marriott escalators was absolutely a big part of that. everyone got rerouted to the stairs or the back escalators, which were always busy, but never quite “2019 Dragon Con on Saturday night” busy. despite the number of attendees, things seemed to move relatively smoothly for the short while i was there.
the virtual queue system, however…
it seems to have been implemented at the very last minute because the convention was essentially forced to do so, given the projected attendance. it also seems to have been a desire to keep out of the sights of the fire marshal that really motivated this late addition to the crap we had to manage.
because of it, i wasn’t able to visit the dealer’s room, the artist’s alley, or the moonlight festival thing because all the spots for the day were already taken. and i was not about to sit on some standby waitlist to maybe have a chance of entering. probably for the best, considering how broke i am.
speaking of which, this convention sure had a great way of reminding me just how broke and boring of a life i lead on the day-to-day. i realize that most of the people showing off their outfits and suits and hoods had spent a while saving up, slowly acquiring pieces until the whole look is complete.
still, i saw quite a few definitely brand-new suits that had just been paid for mere weeks before.
a long time ago this fandom used to be about the community of people it fostered with the shared interest in anthro animals. now it seems like it’s increasingly about how much money you can sink into the most unique, flashy, and (if you can swing it) horny outfit possible. which you then proceed to parade across all the important events at the convention to See And Be Seen.
i do want a fursuit of my own, eventually. i want a neat bespoke rubber hood that looks like the character i choose to identify with. i want to be invited to the fun parties where shenanigans happen.
but i don’t live that kind of life. and i don’t have those kinds of friends. and i’m not sure i ever will at this point. my one local attempt seems much more interested in literally everyone else under the sun, despite crediting me with inspiring their love of rubber.
maybe i’m just getting old and jaded. maybe i’m just bitter because i didn’t plan for these things or grab them when i had more of a chance.
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worries
I’ve got Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I worry about everything. I worry about possible bad outcomes almost reflexively. I’m trying to be better about it, but it’s a process, and it’s hard.
I worry that the friends I had who live nearby have forgotten me. I worry that I won’t find friends like that again.
I worry about my job. I worry about my finances.
I worry that I’m just slowly becoming invisible.
It’s silly. They’re ridiculous thoughts. But they won’t leave my head. And the more they loop around, the louder they get.
I worry no one wants to hang out with me because I’m depressing or something like that. That’s a big one lately.
I should stop worrying. And if I could just turn it off just like that, I would. But I’ve tried and I can’t. Even with meds, it’s always there. Just at the back of my mind, ready to pounce the second I feel a moment of insecurity or weakness.
I know I should just accept it, and I’ve been trying to do that. I don’t want to be shy or skittish or afraid to try things. So I push myself to be more adventurous, outgoing, social. At least where I can.
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if i were more certain that I had enough money in the bank to ride out the time between now and Labor Day
i’d quit tomorrow, lol
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the three categories of time management:
- Easy(ish) (maybe)
- More than a “one and done”
- Not Today, Satan
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i am genuinely shocked that my office decided to be closed today. genuinely.
this, coming from the same office that didn’t take Martin Luther King, Jr. Day off, despite it being a federal holiday (meaning even the banks are closed) until they had finally hired their first – and, as of this writing, last – Black employee.
i don’t think my company’s president understands what “optics” is
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dumb home
i always wanted to live in one of those “smart homes” like you saw in the overambitious Disney movies. the robot butler who irons your clothes and makes breakfast while you focus on that first important meeting. the temperature and weather and house status all shown on a convenient display somewhere centrally located… by and large a more cohesive setup than anything i have ever dealt with that claims to be “smart”.
having to write multiple if-then statements in multiple different apps and even deploy some persistent servers on the local environment wasn’t exactly my idea of the home of tomorrow (TM) or whatever.
those of you who dabble… what platform do you prefer? because SmartThings has me pulling my hair out. (we won’t even talk about Wink)
