wondering why

why it feels (to me) like i’ve been…

ostracized? disconnected?

i do not own the flashy things

nor can i afford them

but i know that’s not it.

my rational brain knows

no one is likely thinking ill but

there is one person

i seriously question

once upon a time

we got dressed up

and played together

once upon a time

you saw fit to proudly declare

you were with me

now you don’t even talk about it

you get new stuff and hide it

you used to be excited to share

i guess i’m just confused

or it’s just my own perception

and i admit i could’ve been

a bit more hands-on

but it really does seem like

you’re specifically excluding me

you say you aren’t

you say it’s not that

you say you’re just too lazy

but you’ve got the energy

to drive an hour or more

to someone else’s place

to dress up and play

so it kind of feels like it’s me.

you’ve struck me from your bio

you’ve moved to other circles

can’t wait to be weird with your friends

then what am i to you, now?

if i did or said something

i’m sorry

if i’m too oblivious to know i did,

i’m sorry for that too.

trying to be better.

maybe i’m melodramatic. fair,

but it’s the only way i know how

to let it all out

feel like i’ve lost my pack.

i just want to have fun

and feel desired again.