I’ve got Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I worry about everything. I worry about possible bad outcomes almost reflexively. I’m trying to be better about it, but it’s a process, and it’s hard.

I worry that the friends I had who live nearby have forgotten me. I worry that I won’t find friends like that again.

I worry about my job. I worry about my finances.

I worry that I’m just slowly becoming invisible.

It’s silly. They’re ridiculous thoughts. But they won’t leave my head. And the more they loop around, the louder they get.

I worry no one wants to hang out with me because I’m depressing or something like that. That’s a big one lately.

I should stop worrying. And if I could just turn it off just like that, I would. But I’ve tried and I can’t. Even with meds, it’s always there. Just at the back of my mind, ready to pounce the second I feel a moment of insecurity or weakness.

I know I should just accept it, and I’ve been trying to do that. I don’t want to be shy or skittish or afraid to try things. So I push myself to be more adventurous, outgoing, social. At least where I can.

if i were more certain that I had enough money in the bank to ride out the time between now and Labor Day

i’d quit tomorrow, lol

the three categories of time management:

1. Easy(ish) (maybe)
2. More than a “one and done”
3. Not Today, Satan

i am genuinely shocked that my office decided to be closed today. genuinely.

this, coming from the same office that didn’t take Martin Luther King, Jr. Day off, despite it being a federal holiday (meaning even the banks are closed) until they had finally hired their first – and, as of this writing, last – Black employee.

i don’t think my company’s president understands what “optics” is

i always wanted to live in one of those “smart homes” like you saw in the overambitious Disney movies. the robot butler who irons your clothes and makes breakfast while you focus on that first important meeting. the temperature and weather and house status all shown on a convenient display somewhere centrally located… by and large a more cohesive setup than anything i have ever dealt with that claims to be “smart”.

having to write multiple if-then statements in multiple different apps and even deploy some persistent servers on the local environment wasn’t exactly my idea of the home of tomorrow (TM) or whatever.

those of you who dabble… what platform do you prefer? because SmartThings has me pulling my hair out. (we won’t even talk about Wink)